Welp...herpes.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
