I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
