the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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