I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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