It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
