is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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