Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize