why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
