The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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