I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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