How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
