I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
