What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
