Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just pee around me
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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