i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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