Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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