you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
