apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Use "feeling words"
Yay
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
