this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
