she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
