I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
