Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I deserve this hangover.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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