He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
