nut hugger
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
