i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize