she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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