I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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