Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
