Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
