You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
