Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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