If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
