I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
