she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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