I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize
