So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize