Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
