Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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