Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
