Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
