Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
