I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Bring me that man meat
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
