My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
