it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
