you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
And then the night went full on bisexual.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
