i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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