Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
