yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
