i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
