I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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