I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
