I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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