I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
