Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
