haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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