My room smells like vodka and shame
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
