I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
