Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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