I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
A+ Viking dick
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
