Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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