i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just found puke in my bra..
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Randomize