Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
