My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
