dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
