I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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