True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
