we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
