I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize