Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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