apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
