I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
