I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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