Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
