I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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