Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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