Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize