You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
