why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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