terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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