my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
