Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
