Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
