ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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