worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
