I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Me too!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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