i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
