Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
